new shoes
when you feel that your heart is heavy and you can't take another step...
or feel like your life is now on overdrive that it geared itself towards a fast lane and it's taking you on an emotional roller coaster ride...
or you feel that you're so tired that you just want to stop moving, sit down, and watch life pass you by...
...
then it's time buy yourself new shoes!
Italian, hand-worked, genuine leather, perfect sized, soft leather padding, and contoured to the feet, shoes!
why new shoes? they said that if you have problems, you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. i say, your feet carries 'your' weight...so keep them comfy and you'll be fine! ;) you'll be able to walk, run, jump, dance, skip, frolic...and do many many things without complaining.
not making any sense? go figure! :)
'i used to carry the weight of the world and now all i wanna do is spread my wings and fly!'
from the song 'weight of the world' by chantal kreviazuk
featured in the movie 'how to lose a guy in 10 days'
making peace
i called someone who was once very dear to me...at one point he was the the only man i could see. i didn't say sorry or ask for any apologies...instead, i placed the past behind and made him feel that i'm not angry anymore. this time around, we were able to update each other on the events of each others lives...without subtly competing on whose life is better since the other has been gone. though the distance from one another revealed how complete opposites we are, we now have a few things in common. we both see life under a different light-a much brighter one. we're both content and inspired by many things (people in our lives, the things we now do, our plans and ideas, to name a few). we are both struggling to survive, working really hard, and we both know in our hearts that though we're growing up real fast, we are still just kids and fun must always be a staple thing in our lives. i learned that he has learned to prioritize his responsibilities. he learned that i lightened up and that i learned to show my feelings, towards the people i care about, a bit more. we are happy for each other. i found a new friend in the form of a former love. i'm glad i called. :)
week 'end' - a recap
this week took me on an insane emotional roller coaster ride! it started with sadness brought about by an incident, then personal emotions towards certain things (that i thought i have forgotten but unfortunately crept it's way back to being felt. i finally dealt with them-
die suckers!), then just when i thought that things were getting better, a work related problem came up. for someone who normally keeps a steady mood, the emotions were really too much to handle.
emotions i felt this week:
being almost in love to deciding not to fall in love, sadness, loneliness, happiness, anger, being excited, trippy...well, you get the picture
would it be weird if i said that i felt more emotions this week than i did the whole of last year? *gasp* *shock* :P well, it's true, believe it!
aside from being thankful that i have enough will power to overcome things, i'm thankful that there are certain people in my life, whose presence, company, words (silly or intelligent), can instantly make life a little more pleasant than it really is.
hmm dunno if what i just wrote is sweet or just plain cheezy! :P
the week ended well...in fact, it ended in a funny way! hmm...i'm still not sure if i'll write about it. i'll think about it :)
TIP
another good way to end an insane week:
chocolate + caramel + vanilla + ice cream +
rhum (on the dessert! not for drinking sheesh) :)
i'll end this here! have a pleasant weekend!
questions i forget to ask
i have the tendency to forget the questions i want or should be asking. i find it really annoying when that happens.
last night, i forgot to ask a simple question and now, i can't stop thinking about it...why? because i want to know the answer. :) what happened?
i was at a friend's establishment for a meeting. i particularly liked a track being played and recognized the voice of the singer-it was beth orton's. in my head, i was thinking that it's a track i want 'peacebliss' to play or include in their repertoire. i asked my friend if it was a beth orton track and he said yes. see, i had it all planned out in my head...if he says 'yes,' i will ask if it came from the 'daybreaker' album. if his answer was again a 'yes,' i would then ask what the track was. he said 'no.' i was not able to pre-program my brain to respond to the answer 'no,' so, basically for me, that was the end of the convesation. what happened next? he asked if 'peacebliss' had that song in their repertoire. again, my mind wasn't programmed to continue discussing the same topic and was already on a 'different' topic mode--in other words, the window to that conversation was already close and it was already focused on another window. the follow-up question from him was more of a 'pop-up banner' that was read briefly then closed. when i got home, i thought about the track and how much i wanted to call my other friend up to say that it should be included in the repertoire. Smart me, only after a few hours did i remember that i was not able to ask what the title of the track was. nyrz!
note: labo ba ng analogy? i'm reffering to the 'window' and 'pop-up banner'
is there a particular question you would often forget to ask?
the question i often forget to ask: 'What is your name again?'
you know the thing when you are introduced to someone at an unexpected time and the name of the person just doesn't register in your head? several minutes later, you find yourself engrossed in a conversation with the person introduced, that by the time you are about to say goodbye, you realize that you have forgotted to ask for their name again.
umm...what else am i suppose to share? would you be interested to know that i'm sleepy? :P hehehe nyterz!
just a state of mind
for the past few days, i felt like i was losing it. i made a mistake allowing myself to wallow in sadness. i wasn't able to pull myself out of it immediately that it sunk me deep into the state of depression. i didn't like the feeling, it was awful...but it made me write and write and think and write what i was thinking. i was able to release emotions of sadness, loneliness, anger, etc through writing. crying is cathartic and i don't see anything wrong with it. if i could cry by will to release emotions i would...but unfortunately, crying isn't something i am able to do very often or when needed. writing on the other hand, is therapy for me-like dry tears on paper! anyway, i still didn't like the feeling and writing wasn't enough if i wanted to pull myself together in time to start working productively this week. imagine this, i kept on thinking and writing and didn't talk much. my mind became too active it didn't allow me to rest or sleep...so obviously the rest of my body was tired and my mind was tired too. being physically, mentally, and emotionally stressed isn't exactly the best way to pull oneself together. what helped? a friend of mine, asked me how i was and in an instant, i became fine. somehow the genuine act of concern subtracted the feeling of loneliness. with one less burden of an emotion off my chest, i was able to remind myself that depression is just a state of mind and not a lifestyle.
oh yeah, i still lack sleep and i'm very tired. i have a string of meetings today and i'll be leaving the house very early. i doubt i'll be able to get enough rest. i hope i won't have an emotional relapse! hehehe i don't think i will but i'm feeling a bit trippy and high. goodluck to me! or shall i say, goodluck to the ones who'll be around me! :D
umm...i don't know what else to write...the end!
quotes on love
Love is like a mustard seed; planted by God and watered by men - Muda Saint Michael
You know you are in love when you see the world in her eyes, and her eyes everywhere in the world. - David Levesque
Love is like the sun coming out of the clouds and warming your soul. - Unknown
for someone who is not into overly sweet stuff, those quotes actually made me feel warm and fuzzy inside! :) warm and fuzzy just like my top from 'mango' with the faux fur collar
Time out! I'm reminded by a conversation i had with a friend about that faux furred top. He calls it 'the snow frinsess and the faux fur' darn! hahaha!!! not funi? too bad! you probably didn't get the joke :P umm..did i just ruin the serious, warm fuzzy feeling mood? aww shux! :P
'to do' list
i like making 'mental notes' to myself before i go to bed but several times a 'to do' list has proven to be very helpful. i have a list of things to do and to bring for important meetings, it's written on a piece of paper and i've been using the same list for the past week. i would post it on the cover of my organizer right before i sleep. question is, if i've been using the same piece of paper, do i still read what's on it? answer: no, i don't. see, the sight of it is already a reminder. it's one of the first things i would see when i wake-up and once i do, it would bring me back to the few moments that i have actually walked up to it to read what is written. pardon my odd ways, i know it's a bit strange...but it works for me...so, i'm not complaining! :)
follow-up question: after this post, will i still be using that same piece of paper or be needing the list for that matter? i don't think so. i'm letting it go. it's just a piece of paper for goodness sake! :P besides, the memory of it is already in my head, it won't be going anywhere unless it has been forgotten or replaced.
hmm...is this post getting weird? want me to answer that question too?
last question : what's on your 'to do' list?
quoting anais nin
"Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love..." -Anais Nin
film for my ears
there was nothing better to watch on TV. i could have easily just turned the television off and do something else right? but i didn't! why? because the tracks used for the film 'Excess Baggage,' kept my ears glued to the channel. yes, you read it right, ears not eyes!
note: i don't like the film, the storyline is dumb, the lines are cheezy, and i don't find actor benitio whatisface sexy or attractive. i'm still trying to figure out why he's included in the list of america's sexiest actors.
my favorite track in the film:
"Happiness" by abra moore
---> i miss my abra moore cd! during those days, i didn't know anyone else who had her album. everyone i lent it to absolutely loved her music.
HAPPINESS
I didn't know it could feel like this
I didn't know the hurt
And I try to explain to myself
But I can't find no word
So I lie about it
And I tell 'em I'm feeling fine
And I'll cry about it
Hoping tomorrow will change my mind
Happiness has come to this
And God, it's such a heavy burden to bear
I didn't know it could be like this
I didn't know it could go so far
And I try to reveal the part of me
But you can't find no scar
best way to forget
absence, does it really make the heart grow fonder?
doesn't it make the heart forget, even for just a brief moment?
they said that in your sleep, you forget? do you really? doesn't it make an emotion enter a dimension wherein everything is more vivid than how it is in the physical realm?
last question:
In your case, how would you forget a feeling? through absence or through sleep?
a reason
I like him a lot,
I'm very much attracted to him,
he has not given me a reason to fall in love with him but...
...the other night, he gave me a reason not to.
not exactly ok
ever notice how used up the phrase "it's ok," is?
do people really mean it when they say that? fact that they said it, simply means that at one point, things weren't 'ok' or that it is but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are 'ok' about it. get my point?
in a nutshell :
vocally, one says 'it's ok,' but in ones mind they can be saying 'but i'm not.'
it's just like saying sorry...not very many people mean it (anymore).
I prefer 'pasensya na' or 'please pardon...' sounds better right? safer to use phrases like that. say 'sorry' if you know in your heart you'll try never to do it again...or atleast try
really hard not to.
ironic story:
someone ones told me
"i mean what i say and say what i mean"
i placed him on a very high pedestal with his words as the base. then one day, I learned that none of the things he told me were held strong or true...the pedestal crumbled and my vision of him too.
umm...don't mind me...
waking up
i've been waking up several times. you know how it feels like when you keep on having a recurring dream? just when it's about to end you'd have this strange strange feeling at the pit of your stomach?
i couldn't sleep...when i do, it feels more of being half-alive.
i'm really having a hard time describing how i feel right now. i want to talk to someone about it, but again, i know better not to do that (anymore).
funny, how a confidante could be the source of an unshakeable form of sadness.
a place for everything
split personality disorder? is it really?! O.C or overly organized?
what i told a friend "a place for lit pieces and drama queen monologues."
from the song 'breathe in' by frou frou
i have to be somewhere,
now where did i put it?
how it went
the night was great!
vocally, this was (by far) my best night!
much thanx to the following:
1) a person who has been very supportive of my music
2) one of my best gal pals
3) and to an old friend who was able to fit me in his schedule
update:
he made it..really happy about that
called a friend who i wanted to see
--> almost the best of both worlds (?)
got a much needed 'good luck'
received votes of confidence
acknowledged a number of 'nods'
made people happy
made a young man smile (sir, you know who you are. i'm very proud of you. remember, if you need anything, you know how to reach me!)
good company + successful event = fab time!
there's a bit of a sad story share but i'll write about it some other time. perhaps it would be best if i post it in my other
blog, donchathinkso?
that's all for now!
right now, i must rest!
he said...
he'll try to make it but i'm not counting on his presence.
do you think i'm just being pessimistic because i don't want to get disappointed?
he'll probably text or call to wish me luck-a gesture I would very much appreciate maybe i'll call him if he doesn't go--my way of making him part of it all. again...maybe...i'm still not sure :)
www.littlerocket.net
stories, pictures, poems, drawings, thoughts and abstractions ---> I LIKE!
i feel like a young child discovering dr.seuss for the very first time :)
dr.seuss
growing up, did you read any dr.seuss books? what was your favorite?
i still remember how it felt like reading his stories. i used to think that he was a genius! a doctor that could tell stories! then i learned that 'dr.seuss' was not a real doctor and 'seuss' wasn't even the name of the author ...the realization didn't make a difference. to this day, i still think he's one of the greatest!
why did i suddenly write about dr.seuss? read on...(next post)
this time around...
...i created this blog to be able to unload more thoughts, ideas, views, and abstractions
...i will be more diligent when it comes to updating this journal (blog?! i still don't know what to call this)
...i won't name people and the entries will be more cryptic (to keep the readers guessing)
...i will write more about how i view the world and not how the world is
...i will try to inject more drama in my entries (to keep the readers interested) :P
...i will share
...hmm...i just will
a bit about me
Je suis tres curieux et dedicative. Quand je suis interesse dans quelque chose, tout doit attendre d'autre. Je crois en l'amour a premiere vue. Je n'attends pas d'apprendre plus de la personne. Le versa d'etau, les gens qui n'impressionnent pas m'obtiendra e peine un hasard pour etre mon ami. Mon emotion est sur l'extreme. Je peux aimer seulement ou peux detester, rien au milieu et ceci montre souvent dans mon expression.
starts here
A new blog, a new start...a new year!
