two messages
earlier this day, i post about dreaming that i received
two messages.
a few minutes ago i received good news and bad news from two different people. i still don't know how to react to them...so there.
it's a coincidence but daym!
definitions
Guile n.
1. treacherous, cunning, skillful deceit
2. obsolete A trick or stratagem
read about
my guileRaven v. variant of ravin 2. to seek or seize as prey or plunder
do you understand what the raven is saying?
trying to read
have you ever had a dream where you would receive a letter, message, or note? then when you would start reading what's written, you’d find yourself struggling to see the words? or while you’re reading it, the words appear line per line? I’ve had dreams like that; the scenery would always be vivid until the part where I’d have to start reading-the scene would turn sepia or sometimes black and white and it would always end there. I wonder why…
This morning (since I don’t sleep at night), I dreamt that I received 2 unknown messages. I recall that in my dream, I was anxious to see who it was from and what it said. Then just when I was about to open my mailbox, my eyes opened. Darn! Oh well…
phantom or friend
i grew up listening to music, all types of music for that matter. i recall the 1st genre i was exposed to was 'classical,' then i was made to appreciate broadway musicals...one of which was the 'Phantom of the Opera.' never knowing what the ending to the story was and not really having the time to read the novel by Gaston Leroux, it was really nice to have finally seen a film version of the play...it gave life to the vague images i had in my head.
Raoul and the Phantomin reality, the actor who played the role of the 'phantom,' Gerard Butler, is actually more handsome than Patrick Wilson 'Raoul'...but how can you not fall in love with role of 'Raoul' in the film? patrick wilson did a fantastic job giving life to 'raoul.' everytime he'd be in a scene with 'christine,' you can't help but feel the same safe, secure, and loved feeling that 'christine' would feel. *sigh*
imho, in the film, if find 'patrick wilson' more attractive than 'gerard butler.'
raoul, a groomed, long-haired lad with such kind eyes and perfect bearing! :) i'm loving the scene when he was going down the looong flight of stairs ;)
note: there's a silent film version of the 'Phantom of the Opera.' i was made to watch it and i tried (really tried) to sit through the whole film (more of endure what i was viewing) but i was too young to appreciate black and white or silent films that time. i wonder if i'd still want to see it...i'll search for it via i-net soon not now, i'm too tired.
if you haven't seen the film version of 'phantom of the opera' (2004), check it out...now! :) hopefully, i'd be able to find time to go back to the cinema to watch it again!
for now, i will play the music back in my head and allow the music to lull me to sleep...
mental playlist:think of me
all i ask of you
music of the night
goodnight!
lack of sleep
when i lack sleep i either become hyper the whole day or my mind would be lost in thoughts.
the day before yesterday, i was hyper. yesterday, i wasn't in the mood to utter words. i was talking (a lot actually) but just in my head. the thoughts were coming to me so fast that it wasn't translated to audio.
blood sugar dropped again...grr hate it when that happens...
two spectacular people
it's so nice to be able to start a day knowing that it's going to be a 'good day' :) that's pretty much how my yesterday started...i had very little sleep (less than usual...almost close to none) but iz okay, i woke up 'psyched' to face the day! :)
spectacular person #1
right now, i could only think of nice things to say about this person. sometimes the person you least expect to shine a pleasant ray of sunlight would actually be the one to do so-i am gracious for that! i am also thanful for the insights that he unselfishly shared-finally, someone who has a different take on things compared to what the people have been feeding my mind! :) i want to write about the insights but i'll do that some other time. for now, i shall think about them some more-very enlightening!
spectacular person #2
'Le Inday' rocks! need i say more? i'm still sooo loving that pic-fun! :) it was a looong and tiring trip (caused by the slow traffic flow) to see this person but it was definitely worth it! :)
i'm not sure how today will turn out to be...i'm not as psyched compared to yesterday to see some people but maybe (just maybe) if i'm lucky i'll see one or both of them again! :)
i shall rest now...i need it! :)
nyterz!
standing still
i'm psyched to work on a number of things this week . what exactly are the things i'll be working on? for now, i'll just keep them to myself ;) not all work related but i'm looking forward to see where they will all lead to.
why the title? i don't know, i woke up this morning and the song 'standing still' just kept on playing in my head. goodness, my mind gave itself lss-fun!
'do you...like i...or am I standing still? beneath the darkened skyor am I standing still? with the scenery flying byor am I standing still? out of the corner of my eyewas that you that passed me by?'jewel 'standing still'
the world is moving but i feel like i'm just standing still...watching...this is weird but i'm not complaining :)
thanx in advance to the two spectacular people i'll be seeing later! :) i don't know but i really am looking forward to seeing them! fun!
i'm liking the feel of this day :)
i'll end this here.
deceived
most of the time my gut feel would prove to be correct...dunno if i should be happy about that or not. i can't get pass this feeling of being annoyed at someone, starting to detest certain ways that i've been tolerating for quite sometime. i just want to scream 'hoy magpakatotoo ka! hindi na nakakatuwa' leche!
pardon that...wait don't because i meant every single word. my patience level is very high but once it goes beyond saturation point well...there!
true when they say that once you put the good emotions (love, care, concern) towards certain people aside, you start to see things you refused to see.
spectacular people
i have a fab mix of friends, it would be an insane party if i put all of them in one room!
they do have a few things in common...
- artistic, talented, love music
- in a conversation, they are able to hold my interest for longer than 3min
- when i'm with them, i don't feel like running far far away from them
- they have a way of influencing my mood or state of mind
- they can make me smile, laugh, or snicker
- no explanations needed because they are intelligent enough to understand
sunday, i was once again pressured by work...well, i have been for over a week now. yesterday, i got the much needed comic relief while talking to the person responsible for the unique sound of 'peacebliss.' (i'm a fan need i say more?) i won't get into detail anymore but one thing i can say 'daym their radars are good!' they could definitely beat the overused line women use on one another: 'i just know 'cause i'm a girl too!'
spectacular crush:
goodbye shaved-head-celeb-i've-had-a-crush-on-for-months and hello again ken zhou! He is just the cutest! i am so loving him in his new music video (never end, never stop). seriously, this guy is really cute...i mean, i'm not into asian guys but ken, well he's just so adorable!
lines from his latest single...
'Everyday, every night I've been missing you babe,
every place, everywhere i can see your face.'
ken zhou 'never end, never stop'
how can you not fall in love with a guy like ken? darn if someone that cute would sing those lines to me...ok, enough! hahaha gushing over some celeb how unbecoming hahaha
anyway, i have to run now! later!
modblog down
for 24hrs my modblog account was unavailable for public viewing
don't ask what happened because i won't be able to give an answer...why? like what i said don't ask
if you want an answer read about my
guileit won't exactly give the answer but it will pretty much give an idea how i felt
still not smart enough to get it? think 'angst'
saturday
surprisingly i slept for more than 3hrs...not straight though but i was able to sleep twice within 12 hours. :)
yesterday, while cleaning, i did a lot of thinking...so much thinking that i was able to clean a lot. hahaha! i'm talking about hard core cleaning and not just organizing things here and there. while thinking, i realized that i can't seem to get pass something...no matter how hard i try...it's frustrating...well atleast, i'm slowly coming to terms with certain things and being able to accept what i really want and should be doing...still frustrating though
on a lighter note: i'm once again excited about working on projects. a new concept that was recently presented to me seems interesting and fun. who wouldn't be eager to work on a project that would require minimal organization and more artistic input? another thing is, i'm also looking forward to working with the person that presented the idea of the collaboration-really nice, artistic, and very humble too :) so nice to be around pleasant people :)
fantastic thoughts again:
i started the year bidding my perfect-guy 'archetype' goodbye...parting really is such sweet sorrow. hahaha! funny, 'cause while i had mr.perfect stuck on my head, i would always meet someone i would consider as 'not quite.' now, I would find myself drawn to the ones that fall under the 'not quite' category. i wonder, if i make the new standard the new 'archetype,' do you think i'd find someone that would fit my original 'archetype?! since i'll most likely be drawn to them :) fab thought huh? ;P last month, i told a friend that i am no longer attracted to guys who have shaved heads. recently, i found myself attracted to this cute guy i met and again to that shaved head celeb i've always had a crush on. then again to me, being attracted to a person isn't enough for me to actually be interested in them...not that my standards are too high...i'm just seeking for something i deserve and that means not settling for less (on anything for that matter). darn! endless train tracks of thoughts again...now i am reminded of the time when i said to a friend 'I doubt i'd be meeting anyone who i'd want to be in a relationship with, anytime soon.' days after i stated those words, i met the guy who became my first official bf. crazy! okay enough of that...change topic...
a new week starts again tomorrow, i'm still not sure if i'm thrilled that i have a bunch of stuff to do or if i'm not. i'm a workaholic i love working, i honestly find it rather fun than tiring. what would make work a pain are the people that would be the source of all the hassles that i may encounter...but then again they're ok (sometimes)-source of entertainment (?) hahaha!
i shall end this here!
oh before i forget! I finally got to see the film 'drumline' :) sooo cool! i'm inspired!
yes, it's sad that i rely on HBO and Starmovies to be able to watch films, but that goes with the territory of being a workaholic. so, i'm not complaining :)
taking my cue
saying goodbye is never easy but sometimes it has to be done to make way for other things
"sleep"
...need it
...want it
...not hard to have but can't seem to get
solution to a goodbye and lack of sleep : close your eyes and just
breathe
happy day
the 15th of february once again :)
on a related note (umm that is if you understand the relation to the 15th), i read a cute
poem about
love. warm fuzzy feeling again? well, it's the 15th of feb! :)
to my dear friend val : read the poem! this post is for you! :) this 15th is dedicated to you...your turn to be brave! ;) remember what i told you this morning ok? ;) i mishu and that person you've been missing ;)
signed by
the snowfrinsess and the faux fur
on men and women
in the words of oscar wilde:
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
I see when men love women, they give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.
Men always want to be a woman's first love. That is their clumsy vanity. What women like is to be a man's last romance.
Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
Women are made to be loved, not understood.
Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
my favorite oscar wilde quote:
Things are because we see them, and what we see, and how we see it, depends on the arts that have influenced us. To look at a thing is very different from seeing a thing. One does not see anything until one sees its beauty.
feb 14...I honestly do not know if people still take this day seriously. i never did, i don't believe in it either. people make their own 'special' dates and more often than not it would be based on a memory or moment or whatever. :) so, if you're single and alone on this day...don't be sad. if you're in a relationship and you're unhappy on this day...don't be, you have no reason to be sad. so smile because this day is just an ordinary day. maybe tomorrow will be your special day or the day after that...:)
analyze this
talking to a friend, she said that one can easily detect a persons state of mind or mood based from the genre or songs they would be listening to at a given time.
during the weekend i've been constantly listening to the following songs:
Falling Is Like This by ani difranco
Last Goodbye by jeff buckley
Silence by delerium feat sarah mclachlan (silent sanctuary mix)
artists i would be listening to right now (if i still had their albums):
Holly Mcnarland - 'stuff' album
Sarah Mclachlan - rarities and b-sides album
- the album that made me a sarah mclachlan fan. i love the extended version of 'vox'Abra Moore
- i miss the track 'four leaf clover' ( i'm so missing these albums right now!)lines from songs that have been stuck in my head for the past 24hrs:
'You've got my heart in the middle of a feeling
I've got no place to go'
abra moore 'four leaf clover'
'must i dream and always see your face?'
jeff buckley 'last goodbye'
and the last verse of 'falling is like this' encouraging song to start my week : 'talk to me now' by ani difranco
"in the day to day and the face to face
I have to act, just as strong as I can
just to preserve a place where I can be who I am"
ani difranco 'talk to me now'so, based from all the abovementioned songs, what exactly is my current state of mind or mood? :)
question is, am i listening to these songs because
a) the words or music tap into an emotion i am feeling
b) because i have to
c) lss
d) i have nothing else to listen to
e) all of the abovebased from this post what can you (the reader) gather?
a) i just want to share
b) i want you to listen to the tracks and artists i have listed
c) i have nothing better to do and just feel like listing stuffendless train tracks of thoughts again...i must end this now!
have a pleasant week everyone!
friday
more than 24hrs and still alive
surprisingly i survived probably the most insane day (so far) of 2005
things i did:
followed-up on a number of things...all of which worsened a terrible condition and state of mind i was in
tried to sleep 3 times but failed to do so
called a friend from highschool - so glad i did!
followed-up on a proposal - finally a response!
spoke to someone who was willing to rationalize some thoughts for me-merci! i also needed that 'wake-up'
worked and worked and worked some more
listened endlessly to 'silence,' 'last goodbye,' and 'falling is like this'
things i am reminded of:
the value of 'absence' being able to make the heart forget
you can always count on a true friend! you don't have to say anything or ask, they just do!-tnx dear!
loving this: there's nothing wrong with asking for help
turning point:
the days work just wasn't enough, so i cleaned and cleaned and well cleaned some more
scrubbed the 2nd flight of stairs and just when i was feeling how tired i already was, and weary, and exasperated...i received the best phone call for the day! hmm day? 11pm + night?! oh well, so it beat the 3 other good conversations i had and definitely made up for a well...ANYWAY, i'm feeling this is going to be a good day! psyched already! good news is always great to hear! whee! i'm excited again and alive and revived and not making any sense anymore! :)
looking at the title of this post, i'm reminded of another favorite song
"Friday I'm In love" - by the cure
--> cute real cute! a good way to shift from my 'last goodbye' by j.buckley state of mind...then again 'last goodbye' is still a very beautiful sad song.
anyone know the sad ironic story of that song? well, the real story ofcourse...umm never mind, i don't want to ruin my already 'ok' mood. i wonder how i long i could maintain this mood...well, considering that i still lack sleep? we'll see!
for now, have a pleasant weekend! can't y'all feel it?
this weekend is going to be great!
laterz!
playlist
i happened upon an audio cd containing some of my favorite tracks...been listening to it eversince.
isn't it annoying when the songs you're currently listening to would slowrly draw you in as the music or words tap into your deepest thoughts and emotions? not the most pleasant thing in the world when that happens but it's like a drug that gets you hooked and wanting more...then it starts giving you crazy ideas or fantastic thoughts ...umm what am i saying?! don't mind me, that's the no sleep marathon kicking in
"just hear this and then i'll go
you gave me more to live for
more than you'll ever know"
- jeff buckley 'last goodbye'"one minute there was road beneath us, the next just sky"
- ani difranco 'falling is like this'right now, i'm really liking the lyrics of "Asking Too Much" by ani difranco
---> if i were to change part of that song i'd change a line to "put up with me or put me out of misery"
if i asked for almost everything ani difranco asked for in that song, would you say that i'm asking too much? or would you take it that i'm asking for you (whoever you are) ? ;)
at an awe
why? i just am...
...and three more reasons why
. . .
game over?
do you like games? what’s your favorite? could you guess what my favorite type of game is?
Recently, I played a mind game. It required intelligence, wit, creativity, imagination, patience, and fast thinking. A game filled with theories, hypothesis, and analysis-typical mind game wherein you plot your next move against the opponent, as soon as you are presented with something concrete. I got tired before the game ended as a result I decided to eliminate myself from it…well, ‘til I have more energy and patience to play again...
...and 'til then,
a thousand bows to the
opponent that never was
yesterday
...i slept
what finally made me close my eyes to rest my mind? if you really want to know,
think...
true friend
"A true friend is someone with whom you can discard your rationalizations and pretenses so that you can develop your unique human potential without fear. A true friend is someone whose soul joins with yours in exploration of the universe and with whom you rejoice your mutual discoveries." john h. mcmurphy
i happened upon this quote, this morning. interesting isn't it? i like it :)
what's proven
i used to think that it was impossible for one person to be blessed with all the qualities i'm looking for in a person.
i used to think that no one could ever defy the perfection of my archetype.
i used to think that if i rationalized or find logical explanations why certain feelings ever exist, i could take control over them and prove that what i'm feeling is not real and it's just something brought about by a 'moment.'
all the abovementioned have been proven wrong...and now i am left with the unknown. the unknown is both scary and exciting, and more often than not, i am boggled by it...but this time i know it's for real.
last, I used to think
he had what it takes for me to take that one big leap...but now i am sure that he didn't because someone was able to prove me wrong.
kung okay lang sa'yo
since yesterday morning, i've been trying to remember one of my all time favorite ofm songs by the band 'tfaith.' after almost 24 hours, i finally remembered it! :)
"di malaman kung ano ang gagawin
sa damdamin na di ko maamin sa sarili
kung bakit ka pa ba nandyan..."
by tfaith 'kung okay lang sa'yo'
the song is cheezy isn't it? i still find it cute :) i'm pretty sure a number of you can relate to the song or atleast at one point have. ;)
question: which is worse, trying to remember a song or having lss (last song syndrome)?
do you like...?
want to know more?
are you sure you can handle it?
are you really, as in absolutely, positively sure?
yes? ok, point and click
here...then close your eyes for about a minute (to allow page to load) then open your eyes...
don't tell me i didn't warn you! :)
jk kidz! really nice! i'm loving it!
it's the new addition to my favorite sites list (and current fave)
hmm...
keywords : exception, equalizer, checkmate !
three songs:
all i want is you by u2
head over feet by alanis
before you by chantal kreviazuk
"you picked me up out of the rough
And you polished me up and made me brand new"
by chantal kreviazuk 'before you'
why? just BECAUSE
what's all these? go figure! :)
signed by: the snowfrincess and the faux fur
why again? think...
little boy with two pencils
i encountered the cutest little boy today. he's around five years old, brown hair, fair skinned, pretty hazel eyes, and had the brightest smile. he was happily walking around with two pencils in hand. i was lucky enough to walk side by side with him-since he and i were headed the same direction. what amused me was that he was talking to himself, amazed by the fact that he was able to get two pencils. he had such a genuine smile and it was evident in the glow of his eyes that he valued his two new prized possessions. i loved the way he looked. i would buy him more pencils if i knew that i would see him smile that way again. i know in my heart that in a few years the value of the pencil, to the little boy, will be close to nothing and his smile will come from greater things and no longer from pencils. nevertheless, i'm glad that i saw that little boy because i was reminded of how once in our lives we were content by the little things that came our way.
'I'd cast your wishes upon the stars,
I'd even try to reach for the moon,
If I could put another smile on your face,
I would...just for you.'
yesterday and thoughts
yesterday:
I woke-up very early, attended to a number of phone calls, missed a film i've been wanting to see, and i was late for my 1st meeting. well, i was there early but i anticipated a backlog in the schedule...so i loitered around the area before heading to the meeting.
in between work, a number of interesting things happened. one of which was that i met someone i have been meaning to discuss with. who? no specifics right? anyway, that person turns out to be really nice...once again, i am amazed.
my day didn't have more than 2 meetings *shock*
monday, wasn't didn't have a hectic schedule but i can say that it was a very productive day.
what a good way to start the week right? :)
---> he called...for some reason i'm just not interested to talk to him. why? i don't know, i'm just not.
thoughts:
i miss someone, it's insane, i know i shouldn't...but i still do every now and then. i miss his ways, how he was always there for me, how he just knew when to call or check on me. how the sound of his voice would put a smile on my face no matter how bad things are. him sounding that he's really happy to hear my voice, would make me feel really good-the feeling that you know that just by your presence, another person would become happy...but at the same time, his existence in your life, would make life wonderful to live. i don't want to miss him anymore because i shouldn't.
i miss being excited to be or to talk with someone. I miss it when you're just about to ask them how they are, they ask you first-with so much care you can feel it like a warm embrace. i also miss how a person would (genuinely) value the effort i would exert to do something for them. i miss the 'just because.' i miss the little things that can make me smile. i miss them so much it's sad. unfortunately, i don't get those anymore and i doubt i will anytime soon. i belong to a work-driven environment and people don't really care...no matter how much you care about some of them.
my heart tires easily and i miss it how one person would have the capability of giving it strength when it is slowly getting weak.
am i sad? no.
i don't miss things very often, it is only when i am reminded of them that i do. then again, when i am reminded of the feeling of 'missing' it has a chain reaction effect...but after that, the feeling would slowly linger away i wish it would be gone by the time i wake-up because today is a new day and the start of a new month
i'll end this here
